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A POET'S TESTIMONY Hello! My Name Is John Born On The 24th Of March, 1980 To My Dear Mother Shawne Who Was Such A Kind Lady I Was Very Close To Her Unclaimed By My Father No Sister Nor Brother Just Me And My Mother An Unknown Disease She Had Huntington's Is Now The Name It Made The Family So Sad Decreasing Mentally She Was Never The Same I Was Eight When She Passed Away Faithfulness In Such A Difficult Path Such An Example, Each And Everyday Even Through Such An Aftermath Passed Few A Difficult Day When I Was In Bed I Lay And I Pray Asking Why She Was Dead Then My Mother Came To Me In The Brightest Beam Beautiful Was She Shining In A Dream Seeming Like A Telepath Mime I Asked If I Could Stay Shook Her Head, No Not Your Time Then Wiped My Teardrops Away I Woke Up Soaked In Tears I Then Knew That In A Few Years I Would Be With Her Too I Had The Clearest Vision Where The Brightest Beam Glows In A Place Called Heaven Where The Love Of God Flows Where I Went And Saw Floating Far Above God Is Perfect That Much Is True If I Tried Describing His Ominous Love I Wouldn't Know Where To Start, Not A Clue So By Fact I Know There Is A God And By Fact I Know There Is A Unity So Nice So By Fact I Know There I Both Soul And Bod And By Fact I Know There Is A Heavenly Paradise I Lived With My Loving Grandmother Who Spoiled Me With Many A Thing I Lived With My Proud Grandfather Does Things Right In Everything Twelve I Was I Went And Moved To Uncle Doug's And Aunt Nelda's I Was Very Confused They Brought Me To Church Introduced Me To Jesus Christ Awakening My Spiritual Search Realizing The Time I Had Waste Again I Moved Back To My Grandparents Place I Fell Into Depression A Road Of Sin I Choose To Taste My Seperation From God Affected Me My Seperation From Many A Friend Holed In My Room Full Of Worry Lost In The Woods A Prayer I Send Spiritually Frozen For Many A Year I Knew He Was Giving I Knew He Was There Like A Fool, I Wasn't Willing I Fell In The Valley Deep Called Maniacally Depressed Thoughts Of Suicide Making Me Weep That Much I Confess I Thought I Was A Wieght An Extra Mouth To Feed Others My Age, Full Of Anger And Hate I Felt Like An Unwanted Weed A Little Voice Inside There's More To Be Done Don't Continue To Hide You're Here For A Reason When I Turned Nineteen I Started Going To Youth My Faith In God Was Redeemed I Saw Again The Truth I Accepted Me For Me Looked Deep Inside My Soul To Let Others See My Awesome Wonderful Whole A Visit On Last November's Eve To Doug And The Rest Of Them They Were Certain, Yes They Beleive He Could Help Release My Tension So I Moved To The Fort' Regularly To Church I Went To Youth And Things Of That Sort More And More People I Met I Wish I Could Say All Of This In A Normal Testimony But I Am Privileged, Happy And Very Blessed That I Have A Life Of Abnormally For Not All People Tasted Heaven Like I Did That Was My Life Past That Was Many My Lesson Learning So Very Fast From Each And Every One I Am Always Amazed By The Faith Of Believers Yes I Am Always Astonished By The Assurance Of Recievers Now I Be Baptized In All Three Names My Souls Next Step Never Will Be The Same To My Faith A Public Display That I Have Accepted Jesus For He Is The Way I Write This Message To Whom Who Read To Whom Who Heard For Us Jesus Bled For You A Question Before I Depart Do You Have Jesus In Your Heart ??? SHAWNE'S CRY I Found Out What Pregnancies About At Twenty One I Prayed For A Son The Little Dear Was Born The Next Year The Blessing Came John Is His Name A Year Passed Cruel And Fast Husband Started To Hit Then We Went And Split Homeward Bound Comfort I Found Here With Mom And Dad Terrably I Was So Sad Next Year Crawled By Memories Make Me Cry Slowly I Started Changing It Was Terrably Confusing Worried About Results And Painful Effects Needing Sleep And Rest I Took A Medical Test I Had An Unknown Disease Silence I Did Freeze I Could Not Talk Barely Could Walk Disease Is Unidentified There Is No Guide Either It Is Unknown Or The Doctors Haven't Shown It Deteriates You Mentally As Well As Physically Till Your Body Is Weak And You Can No Longer Speak Becoming A Risk To Yourself Endangering Your Health A Deadly Disorder Far Slower Then Cancer Because Of Their Fear They Lock Me Here All On My Own At An Old Folks Home Place To Place Quickly I Race Moving I roam From home to home Filled With Fear I Look In The Mirror No One Realizes The Pain In My Eyes With My Guitar Playing A Bar I Try To String A Song Wondering Where It Went Wrong No One Hears My Crying Tears Treated So Very Cold At The Home Of The Old A Crooked Confinement An Impractical Imprisonment Hopeless Without A Cure Cruel Tiring Torture Savagely I Am Treat Drugged And Beat No One Knows Believes Or Shows Dazed And Confused Embarrassed And Scared I Hide In Corners Away From The Nurses Let Me Be Why Punish Me Quit Using Force You Just Make It Worse They Don't Realize They Don't Sympathize Thay Don't See What's Happening To Me I Want Out To Move About To See My John Oh It's Been So Long I Only Have A Picture To Help Me Remember My Little Boy And His Favorite Toy Why Am I Bind Why Am I Confined I Commited No Crime This Place Is A Waste Of Time Prison Without Chains Instead Cripples And Canes Almost Dead And Depressed Dying And Disillusioned All I Hear Is Crying As People Are Dying I Eagerly Await My Turn At Fate Left Here To Die I Wonder Why And How All This Death Will Improve My Health Why Won't You Let Me Be And See John My Baby I Miss Him Dearly Only Visits Me Yearly I Am Losing Hope As I Try To Cope To Live One More Day The Ordinary Way How Is This Home This Deathbed Tomb Supposed To Be Helping Me I Am A Hostage Trapped In A Cage Watered And Fed Clothed And Bed Held Against My Will Overdosed by pill One night passed on Heartbeat was gone Now I Lay Night And Day Dead I Am Doomed In A Tomb Body To Earth My Souls Birth To The Heavenly Skies Eagerly It Flies I Ask The Lord For A Final Word With My One And Only Son I Appeared One Night In A Beautiful Light In His Deeping Dream With Many Blinding Beam I JUST HAD TO SAY GOODBYE, SOME WAY TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT GOD IS REALLY HERE

MY FIRST TWENTY YEARS My Mother Had Me In 1980 She Named Me John All My Life I Was Fairly Weak But My Heart And Soul Was Strong Then I Started Growing Yeah . . . I Really Grew Then At Eight Dear Mother Because Of Illness I Lost You Sleeping Deeply I Had A Dream I Then Had A Wonderful Night A Holy Figure Of Some Ancient Soul Oh God The Heavenly Sight I Felt Like I Was Flying In Lovely Bright Clouds She Told Me Not To Worry Felt I Was Being Loved By Crowds When I Awoke I Wiped My Eye Because There I Knew I Understood . . . I Understood Why Lived With My Grandparents I Had To Get Away I Felt I Was Getting Depressed There Must Be Some Other Way Moved To My Uncle And Aunt Who Listened With Open Ears Two Younger Cousins Whom I’m Very Close Yeah . . . I Lived With Them For A Couple Years When I Was There I Began To Go To Church Then . . . When I Was In Grade Seven Asked The Lord Into My Heart Bound And Determined To Go To Heaven I Would Love To See My Mother When I Get There Meet With My Angels Rejoicing With My Brothers And Sisters Two Years Later Things Started To Fall Apart Christianity Began To Fade In My Life There Was Someone Missing In My Heart To My Grandparents Home I Moved Back Left The Church Got Off His Track In Darkness And Depression Traveling A Terrible Twisted Road My Lonely Christian Heart Continuing To Get Cold Trying To Get Through Daily Battles My Fathers Fading Light I Just Can’t Believe Once It Shone So Bright Praying At Nights That I’ll Get Through To The Other Side And Find Something New That I’ll Find His Holiness That I’ll Find My God I Once Knew That I’ll Find His Caring I Missed That He Will Be In My Heart True . . . . . . . . . . . . . BOOM . . . . . . . . . . BOOM . . . I Saw The Clear BOOM . . . I Saw The Light BOOM . . . I Saw The Family BOOM . . . The Glorious Sight BOOM . . . I Felt The Father BOOM . . . I Felt My Soul BOOM . . . I Felt His Presence BOOM . . . And It Moved Me Whole BOOM . . . I Heard The Angels BOOM . . . I Heard Them Singing BOOM . . . I Heard The Cries Of The Lost BOOM . . . And I Heard People Praying BOOM . . . I Tasted Heaven BOOM . . . I Tasted His Grace BOOM . . . I Tasted His Love BOOM . . . Realized My Life Has Just Gone To Waste BOOM . . . I Smelt The Roses BOOM . . . I Smelt The World New BOOM . . . I Smelt Knowing He’s With Me BOOM . . . It Just All Shone Through BOOM . . . My Senses Heightened BOOM . . . My Souls On A High BOOM . . . My Lord, I Can’t Believe BOOM . . . You In Me Is So Fly Oh Lord, I Look Back Now At What I’ve Learned I Saw Who I Was Missing For God It Was You I Yearned Oh I Thank You Jesus For Answering My Prayers I Thank You Jesus I Know You’ll Always Care I Thank You Jesus For Finally Making Me See I Thank You Jesus I Know You’ll Shine Through Me Been With The Lord Very Close Now For About One Year He’s Changed The Way I Think Through My Soul And Heart I Always Knew My Mother Had A Hereditary Disease Called Huntington’s Chorea I Prayed To God No Please I Had To Go In To Take A Medical Test Oh Please . . . Be Negative Prayed To Jesus For The Best . . . . . . . . . . BOOM . . . . . . . . . . BOOM . . . And There I Was BOOM . . . God Testing Me BOOM . . . Wasn’t Sure Of The Cause BOOM . . . I Was Learning How To Be BOOM . . . When You Have Doubts BOOM . . . When You Are Burdened BOOM . . . When Battling Evil Bouts BOOM . . . When In Life You Are Not Certain BOOM . . . Do Three Things For Me BOOM . . . Trust In The Lord BOOM . . . For He Is The Key BOOM . . . Yeah, Accept Him And The Word BOOM . . . Lastly, Have Faith BOOM . . . Faith In God Above BOOM . . . Faith He Can Do Anything BOOM . . . Faith In His Healing Love BOOM . . . He Can Part The Heavens BOOM . . . He Can Part The Sea BOOM . . . He Can Part My Heart BOOM . . . He Can Shine Through Me BOOM . . . Faith Can Create Miracles BOOM . . . Faith Is The Key BOOM . . . Faith Can Clear Mountains BOOM . . . Have Faith In Things You Can’t See BOOM . . . BOOM . . . BOOM I Am Determined To Survive BOOM . . . BOOM . . . BOOM Yes, Keep The Faith Alive Thanks For Love Something We All Have Love It’s Something You Can Strongly Feel Love To Be Shared With Everyone Love It Helps You Yeal May 10-12 (1999) Test Result Time MY PRAYER Lord, Please Cleanse My Body If I have Any Illness Or Disease Lord, Please I Need A Miracle I Feel Selfish, Forgive Me, Please Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned Help Me To Reach The Lost Souls Forgive Me Father For Any Impure Thoughts Please Let Me Accomplish Some More Goals In The Name Of The Father In The Name Of The Holy Ghost Bless And Protect The Church Lord Bless The Children Who Interest You Most Please, Let The Doctor Say Negative Or If Not, No Is Fine I’ll Also Accept Zip Or I Don’t Think So I Know You Have Plans So I Won’t Whine Blessed Be The Family Of God Blessed By My Friends And Family Blessed Be My Sisters And Brothers I Trust In You If The Path Gets Hilly Thank You, My Friend Jesus Thank You, My Father Lord I Feel The Energy Tonight And Holiness Plugged Into Me Like An Electrical Cord God I Feel My Family Praying I’m Just Writing Here In My Bed Flow Through Me Lord Jesus And All The Holiness I’m Being Fed I Pray Lord For Less Violence Let Your Holiness Spread Even In Our Little City I Pray By Idols We Don’t Be Led I Pray That The Truth Is Spread Every Person, Every Place And That They’ll Accept The Lord And Let Them Come To Church With A Good Pace Our Souls Shine Through So We Can Impact All The Non-Believers Lord, You Know That’s A Fact Lord, I Pray For My Family To See The Light They Are So Loving And Caring Like You They Shine So Bright Lord, I Pray For My Christian Family For Those With Doubt I Pray That Their Needs Be Met And Lord Don’t Let Their Spark Ever Die Out -In Jesus Name . . . AMEN RESULTS OF TEST Then After Three Long Days I Eagerly Learned I’m Here For A Reason So There’s No Need For Concern I Walk To The Doctors’ Office My Stomach Feeling Inside Out He Handed Me The Results I Read As It Twisted Further Into A Knot Everything Was Quiet Everything Was Still As I Silently Read I Felt Almost Ill The Bad News Filled Me And My Family Knew That The Results Were Positive The Room Went Silent And Blue Then It Came To Me What You Might Ask God’s Love, Erasing My Depression He Lifted My Mask That Night I Thanked God I Thanked And Praised The Lord Even Though What I’ve Been Through Through Me His Everlasting Love Poured AFTER RESULTS Now I Say Do Not Feel Sorry Miracles Happen Have Faith My Life Is Great, Don’t Worry I Have Jesus In Whose Presence I Praise Lord You Change My State Of Mind Since You’re In Me I Pray, I Learn, I Shine Thank You, Jesus My Savior And Key 6 MONTHS PASSED To A Christian Family I Moved Again Back With My Uncle and Aunt My Faith Continued To Rain Went To Church Loving The Psalms And Worship Lessons, Full Of Advice In Divine Discipleship I Felt The Need To Grow And Give I Can Improve Each Day I Live Twenty yYears Went By So Fast Lessons To Learn From My Unusual Past . . . FINDING MY WAY I Been Living So Alone In A Small Cold City For Five Long Years Called Grande Praire Living With My Grandparents Renting A Room It Always Seems Tense But I Love Them With All My Heart And I Miss Them When We Part Met My Girl Louise A Definate Treat Changed Me So She Was So Sweet For Six Months We Went Out I Discovered What Loves About She Fills My Soul Makes Me Feel Whole Suicidal Girl Past Caught Her She Ran Away From Her Mother They Found Her Traumatized State A Month Later My Precious Soulmate Emptyness Is All I Feel Hiding No One Knows How I Deal Was Unable To Let Go So It Continues To Haunt Me So I Published In June 2003 My First Book In Such Glee Accomplishing A Goal So High Makes Me Feel Like I Can Fly So Many Things Holding Me Down But With God A Path I Found My Spiritual Life Has Gone To The Dumps Worsening Each Day As I Hit Bumps Rarely Pray I Quit Going To Church I Feel Like Shit A Little Voice Deep Inside My Soul Is Calling Out To My Whole All These Ideas Floating In My Mind Slowly Going To Hell To My Whole But I Refuse To Give Up Hope It Feeds My Soul When I Can't Cope My Faith Is Solid As A Rock It Was Built Like An Unpetrable Lock Wasting My Days One By One So Much I Can Do I Never Get Done As The Rain Begins To Pour I Am Slipping More And More No Freedom Attacking At My Heart Inside Out It Tears Me Apart All MY Friends Are Raising A Family I Am Dying Of Envy I Find Friends To Lose Them Once More I Wonder Why I Try So Hard For With The Love Of Christ My Second Family I Miss The Church The Constant Jubilee I Need To Quit This Daily Sin And Shed My Skin On My Knees Lord I Pray That I Will Find My Way